BenCrowder.net

I went to the BYU Writing & Illustrating for Young Readers Workshop last week — five full days of writing awesomeness. Each morning we gathered in writing groups (I had around thirteen great people in mine, with Lael Littke as our fearless leader), then had a plenary session for everyone together (with editors and agents as the speakers). The rest of the afternoon split us up into breakout sessions on topics like dialogue and making time for writing. Almost every single class I went to was über-useful. Basically writers’ heaven for a week. I’m definitely returning next year…and the next…and the next. It’s totally worth it.

The best part, though, is what happened afterward.

I woke up.

You see, I have lots of hobbies. Lots of projects. That was how I defined myself, really: by being a many-project person. A Renaissance man.

But my real dream is to be a writer. Being one of those people like Jefferson who absolutely cannot live without books, I knew when I was younger that I wanted to be a writer. Then real life stepped in and I surrendered and made plans to do something practical with my life. Sayonara to the writing dream…or so I thought.

A couple years ago, however, I realized I really liked this blogging thing. A lot. I started writing plays, too, and before long I remembered (how could I have forgotten?) that writing was what I loved most. That feeling has grown stronger and stronger until now where I know it’s my life’s work and it’s what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Even if it’s so dang hard sometimes. :)

But even then I was still only spending a sliver of my free time writing. Sure, I wrote twenty short plays and a 50,000-word NaNoWriMo novel, but time after time I’d get distracted by zillions of other little side projects. I thought I didn’t have time to write. And I didn’t, since I was filling up my time with lots and lots of other stuff.

After this last week of full-on writing focus — within five minutes of getting home after the conference, actually — I woke from my reverie and saw that all of those little side projects were pulling my energy away from what I want most and shunting it off in too many other directions.

Not any more.

Starting now, I’m axing all of my side projects, with the sole exception of the magazine. No more new projects (I’m finally learning how to say no), no more freelance work (which means Quillfire Studios is going to be hibernating), no more anything that isn’t reading, writing, or the magazine.

This feels right, more right than almost anything else I’ve done in a while. It feels so, so good. Like I’m coming home after a really long time away. This is what I was made for.

I can’t wait to see what happens when I take all of that energy and time I was pouring into my design work and fuel it into my writing instead. Watch for the explosions, folks. ;) It’s going to be hard — design was easy, but writing was and still is hard — but man oh man is it going to be worth it.

It’s only been five days and I’m already seeing the fruits of this new shift in focus. (Monday night I finished the first draft of my first full-length play, for example. And my Tanglewood novel is humming right along.) I still have some loose ends to tie up, but it’s like my mind is clearing up, like I’ve been lugging around a full hard drive in my head for the past five years and I’ve finally cleaned it all out.

I do have to say that it’s kind of scary, shutting down major parts of my life (especially since those were a huge part of who I thought I was), but it’s going to be okay. In fact, it’s going to be awesome.

And you know what? Within five years I’m going to be a full-time author. Maybe even within four. ;)

Disclaimer, because I’m a disclaimery kind of person: I’m not bashing on design. I’m still a designer and will always be a designer. I love design. It’s just that for me, right now, writing is more important. I expect that down the road I’ll start picking up design projects again; I just have to take a break right now and focus on what matters most. That’s all.